how do u release ur anger..
fucking cursing around?
of coz..!
but, does it really cured the range inside.
fucking no!
i need a distraction.
from all this mess.
what the fuck am doing here?!
arghh!

i need a fucking distraction to left all this behind.
but i jez dunno how to distract it.
fucking that bitch!
argh!!
humm..
why laa i still keep my ass here.
i shud have gone long ago.
but i dun have fucking gut, to do whatever it is.
fuck me!

life a bit boring lately..
balik kg for three days, making me homesick for my kg already..
hunky having his muscle's leg torn, and i have to send him to work everyday..
sgt mals hantar die hari2, coz kene hantar ngan motor..
kete still kat workshop, sakit..
probably mlm ni baru nak gi amik..
so, ari ni pegi keje bawak kete atuk salim..
patutnyer naik motor, tapi ujan, terpakse ar bawak kete gak..
humm..
laparnyer..
nak makan ape ar?
rase cam nak makan pasta2.. ngade gile..
tapi nak buat camner..
beli sauce, masak sdiri, lagi best kan..
huhu~
laparnyer..
oklaa..
later~

the feeling of suckness getting better..
but not thaut better anyway..
still feel annoyed.. am annoyed by sum people who kononnye dot..dot..dot..
whatever..
pagi tadi datang keje ngan rase gumbira..
sampai ofis..
suck!
biarlaa..
pegi mampus ar ngan die..
i jez miss hunky so much..
huuu~
i miss hunky..
hunky..hunky..last nite, he's horny..
and wtf, aku period..
so, have to gave him the blow job..
and was left unfulfill..
nak buat camner, dah tgh bleeding..
huu~ sangat suck..

why am getting involve wif some useless people..
who jez annoyed me so much..
wtf.. jez hell wif them..
now, am jez dun have any fucking idea, to let go of this sucking feeling..
damn!!!

the sux feeling makes me feel fucking sux.
i don't know what the hell happen to me..
i jez feel sux ok..
feeling more sux when your read a message full with sux words, i mean yang penuh dengan perbendaharaan kata dan tata bahasa yg aku konfem, kalo buat essei spm, sah dapat A+.
gile aku susah nak compute, when people writing using such words..
ko bukannye nak tulis surat rasmi nak hantar dekat agong ke pe, tapi stakat nak antar kat membe2 ko, wat the fuck wif, selamat sejahtera sume.. huh, sakit otak aku bile bace msg cam tuh.. hoh...
aku ari ni, sangat grumpy gile..
nothing interest me..
and i miss hunky alot..
kesian die, last sunday main bola, kaki terpele'ot.. dah 3 hari bengkak.. suh gi spital tanak.. aku nak antar die gi keje pun tanak.. sanggup naik motor dengan ankle bengkak camtuh, nak jalan pun susah. org nak tolong tanak, suke ati lah!
humm, i've been screwing up my life for quite long..
but still. i can't get fucking out of this shit yet.
i don't know why..
maybe dose aku ngan Tuhan banyak sangat..
sampai every single second in my life, i feel screwed..
damn..!

last nite, i have the worst dream ever in my life..
i was getting a divorce.. WTF?!!!
dah laa mimpi tgh2 malam..
sampai tersedar, and realize hunky was beside me, chewing twisties while watching soccer..
huuuuh, thankGod he's still around..
and this morning, waking up, feeling so stress, still trauma from the dream..
takutnyer..
whenever thinking bout the dream today, i feel sad..
sedih sangat.. huhuuu~
jez forget about it..
demm..!

sumtimes when i see other couple do lotsa stupid retarded things..
i wish i have a partner like that..
i wish hunky's willing do lots lots retarded things wif me..
so, all the pressure and tense weighing our shoulder will be gone, tho for a while..
but, being wif hunky, there's no fun anymore..
i wish he's different..
i wish he luv to spend more time wif me rather than his frens..
i wish he luv to try lotsa new and stupid things wif me..
i know..
skarang ni, we re having enuf problems to think of, instead buat kerje2 bodoh dan tak bergune..
tapi, being stupid once in awhile, menjadikan aku sangat gumbira dan lebih bersemangat untuk hidup..
lagi2 kalo dapat buat sume tuh wif ur own partner..
mesti laa lagi best..
but unfortunately..
he's ain't the same person i know before..
i wonder..
who's changed..?
is he changed?
or i'm the one who changed alot..
tak taulaa..

this weekn, finally i managed to get him into conversation..
becoz suddenly, we realize, we are really in trouble.. financially..
so we talked.. alot..
am glad, we are kinda back into normal..
but still..
frustration is still there........
coz i dun get fuck!
arghh..!
we got one whole weekn..
48 hours at home..
n he dun wanna fuck!
am really sexually fucking stress..!
kang aku fuck ngan org lain..
aku gak berdosa besar nanti..
kang ade gak aku gi tuntut kat mahkamah syariah nanti..
sape yang malu..?!
'the husband that cannot satisfy his wife sexually needs..'
lame gile..
aku macam dah mati kutu dah ngan laki aku..
rase cam sial gile dah..
arghh..
WTF!!!??

ok..humm..
am trying to be optimist now..
from now on..
i have to work hard..
no more complaining about this and that *hope so..*
well, have to screwing my brain, what should i do now and then..
God help me.. huu~

dem!
am horny..
wanna get fuck..
argghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

life so sux..
but it's getting pleasant slowly..
thank God..
weekn kinda ok..jez ok..
coz most of the time spending my time wif in-laws..
and kak anim jez return from bandung..
she's got a pair of guess and esprit for aiman..
ingat nak kirim edc kat die..
malangnye coz she jez spend a couple of day kat sane,
so tak sempat nak shopping for mak2 n bapak2 nyer..
this noon, got an appointment my existence client, she wanna top up the policy..
huuu~ malasnyer..
dahlaa kat bukit damansara..
arghhh!
am so hungry now, takde org nak temankan makan..
so sangap..
and, n demoralize..
really looking for an energy giver.. but cudn't find one..
huuu~