my hubby jez leaving me tonite.. we'r back at our hometown lastt week, n he jez return tonite n i'll stay ere.. he went back by bus, at 9pm jez now...
n i'm already miss him..
tgh layan my immortal.. evanescene..
quite touching..
....
i really love him.. i know he loves me too..
but how deep n how long it last.. only God know..
i do trust him, but sumtimes i have a doubt..
can i trust him that much..
he has kinda bad history wif ladies.. like his late dad n his big bro..
like old folk sez..
bapak kencing berdiri, anak kencing berlari
that's sumthing i really worry about..
sumtimes he's making jokes bout having a few other kids wif a few other moms..
whenever he makes that farking stupid jokes my heart will beat faster..
i'm worried OK!
if that farking jokes will become real..

then everytime i told him if he having an affair wif sum other bitch..
i'll make it clear..
that sumday if he cheat on me,
he won't have me as his wife again..
n he will never ever get to meet his kids again..
never ever..
then.. he will sez calmly, he won't do that if i know how to take care of him..
sumtimes i can't understand what he's trying to say..
dem..
i dunno..
but my heart
keep saying..
sum day..
he will do that to me..
i dun know.. it's jez my instinct.. sumtimes the wife instict is always rite..rite?

when he's leaving tonite, he's seems happy to leaving us behind while he'll be back to kl alone.. i can sense that he can't wait the freedom of having life without me around.. dem..
actually i'm a bit jelous coz he can feel glad without me around while me here in a mood of mourning without my man around.. dem again..

i jez hope he keeps thinking of me, love me n miss me like we used to be..
i really wanna go back to the time where we'r still a luv bird, where we hunger for each other every second, where he's missing me like hell that bring tears to his eyes.. sound pathetic.. but it's true..
if only i can go back time...